Wednesday, May 10, 2006

A lot has passed...

Saturday I went into the hospital to have my baby. She came at 7:20 pm May 6th, 2006. She was 6 lbs 6 oz and 18 inches long. I love my new baby but I am still very depressed about my daughter Taelor not being allowed to talk to me. I don't know what to do! I am glad I have Lyla Pearl, I just wish I could share her with my other daughter. I have caught myself on many occasions calling Lyla Taelor. If only Todd (Bughead my ex-husband) and Sherri (Scooby his new wife) would allow me to have contact with her. They have not had her write me back like they said they would and have cut off communication by email. Sherri talks about Squishy (Taelor) in her blog but won't go into anything but things that I believe are meant to hurt me. They seem to wish to promote lies about me. I miss Taelor very much. She was and still is a big part of who I am. It is like she is a part of my soul that they snatched away from me. I was emotionally and spiritually torn apart when they ripped her out of my life. I am her mother and they don't allow her to talk to me. They keep her in Canada and promise me that I can talk to her and lead me along by carrot like they would a rabbit. I MISS MY DAUGHTER TAELOR!! =(

Lyla is beautiful and I am soooooooo glad to have had her. I know that Jesse would never pull the stunts that Todd did. He is morally superior and would never hit me either. Jesse is a beautiful man! I am glad that we chose to be with each other. BTW, my mother and I chose to spell her name with a y instead of an i. I don't know if I mentioned that already so I thought I would share..LOL.

Thanks to whomever the supreme being is that gave Jesse and me Lyla!! Now just let me have Taelor back and I will be eternally happy!


Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Do you believe in coincidences?

Sometimes I like to call them coinkidinks...LOL

I know a lot of people do believe in things just being coincidences, but there are people out there that don't believe in coincidences.

Here is why I bring this up. My daughter who will be born soon is scheduled to be induced this Saturday the 6th of May. While I was talking to my mother today she told me that my grandfather who died when I was a year old was born on that day. WOW! My daughter is to have my grandmothers first name (his wife) and is also to be born on my grandfathers b'day. (well if she doesn't decide to come before then!) But even if she comes just the day before the sixth she will be born on my uncles b'day. She is going to be named Lyla (My mother and I chose to spell it with a y instead) after my grandmother, Pearl after my beloveds great grandmother who died this past November and have his last name also. So many things here linking her to family! This child must be very special!! (Not that all children aren't special) It just seems that there are so many things setting her apart.

On a slightly different topic, this one dealing with my other daughter Taelor. I just got back from reading her step-mothers blog. In it I find that is seems she is calling out to me, but in a subtle way. I wonder what has happened. I had written her a week ago about why I hadn't received a letter from my daughter as of yet and asking her about my little girl. (because they still won't let me talk to her) I wait awhile and no answer. Then out of the blue I receive an email from her telling me that the only way I can contact them is through snail mail. I was upset. Well if you happened to see the blog I wrote and deleted then you well know it! LOL...Anyway so here I was thinking that they never had any intention whatsoever of ever letting me have contact with my daughter. I had sent things that I was blatantly told was being with held from her. I was told I could call on the phone but I wouldn't be allowed to talk to her until I wrote letters. I wrote letters and never received any answer back from my daughter. (I still haven't) So I still go to her blog. I read it but I never post on it. I go there and see this new post on a lost art. What is that suppose to be?? So I read it and in it she laments about never getting letters from people anymore. How she thinks that letter writing is a lost art form. How she loves to write letters in calligraphy and so on and so forth. Is this her way of telling me that she wants to write back and forth with me?? You don't have to tell me. I am skeptical. But at the same time I soooooo hope that we can all have a good relationship so that my daughter won't suffer as she has been. A child always needs there mother. So I will be attempting to write. Let's hope that I do get responses. I am sick of being ignored. I love my daughter immensely!!!


Saturday, April 29, 2006

Dream of the Newborn!

It is really quite strange. I was dreaming of the baby to come last night. Jesse was in it with me. I guess I just really want to know what this baby is going to look like. Anyway when Jesse and I went to go look, we weren't calling her Lila, we were calling her Senua. Like the Goddess that was recently rediscovered in Britain in 2001. She was going to have red hair...very strange...and LOL, the God Pan was her father. Very very strange. Anyway I thought I would share. I need to hurry up and have the baby before all the Gods and Goddesses stored in my memories come and start claiming her. Very very strange...I also am thinking that the whole thing was taking place around samhain. Sorry I am not waiting that long to have my baby. LOL! In fact if I don't have the baby by next Saturday the doctor is going to induce me. So somewhere before May 6, 2006 or that day. Anywho. Thought I would share...mucho hugs to all of you out there!